What do you think of when you hear people say, “they eloped” referring to a couple’s marriage? Do you think of secrecy? Do you think of rebellion against disapproving parents or societal norms? Do you think negatively of the couple? Is there a stigma to elopement? Or, do you think of an eloping couple as independent, passionate, doing their own thing, unique and unafraid, eager to eschew the trappings of a wedding, and declare their commitment and move forward with their new lives?
A Little History about Elopement
Elopement has its historical roots during a time when marriages were arranged. Young lovers who did not want to go along with such prearranged partnerships made the daring choice to elope, to run off so to speak, and marry against the will of parents and society who sought to maintain the status quo. Elopements were met with resistance, a “how dare you” response, and couples were looked down upon for eloping. Elopement was seen as a hostile act, an inferior method of wedding, since it did not possess all of the accoutrements of a sanctioned wedding; family approval, parties, gifts, and the overall adherence to social norms.
One would think that given this condescending view on elopement, it would not be as popular as it was. A little research on the town of Elton Maryland reveals the fact that at one time in the early 1900’s, wedding officiants were performing 40 elopements a day! Thus, in spite of all of this negative association, elopement was also seen as having a unique, romantic charm that captivated the imagination. A couple choosing to forge their own path and challenge social customs evoked an excitement and allure that is lodged in our collective imagination to this day.
Arranged marriages are a thing of the past for most, and couples are free to select their own mates. They are also free to choose how they marry. Gradually, elopement has shed its negative stigma and has taken on a more positive overtone. Views on elopement have changed over the years, and as a celebrant, I’m glad they have. Elopements give people a different option and should be considered a meaningful ritual.
Is an elopement for you?
Here are some things to consider.
> Elopement can be empowering in its simplicity, allowing couples to take charge of their own happiness regardless of social expectations.
> Without external pressure, couples vows may feel profoundly authentic.
> Elopements create a strong focus on the intimacy and connection between partners.
> Elopements can be cost effective. Couples can use their resources for other meaningful experiences, like starting a family, traveling, or other shared passions.
> A couple that elopes can create their experience based on their unique preferences, be it a beach wedding, taking vows in a stunning natural landscape, or the quiet ambiance of a country inn. The choice is theirs and theirs alone.
> While elopements are exciting and super fun, family can also have strong feelings about a couples' decision and may contribute to interpersonal conflict. Family may feel left out. Careful consideration can serve to address these challenges and ensure a positive experience.
As a celebrant, I love to receive a call about an elopement!
As a celebrant, I love to receive a call about an elopement! It's exciting to be part of the experience, it's a challenge to my writing skills, and I devote myself to the same quality work that I would for any type of ceremony.
The take home message is that elopement is not an inferior way to marry, and should not be treated as such. Don’t forget to hire a photographer and a celebrant to add meaning to the ceremony. Invite a few friends if you wish. Embrace the simplicity that elopement offers as you embark on your own path that defies convention.